Thank God I'm Not Famous

“And remember…before you start job searching, clean up your MySpace, Facebook, whatever you’re using because potential employers look at that.” I’ve heard it for the past four years since Facebook really catapulted a person’s social status, connected old grade school friends, and created the PHOTOS page.

I hate to say it but by October 31 of my freshman year I was already a Facebook pro, a creeper. A creeper is a term my friends and I coined for extra savvy Facebookers. So, as one might imagine the day Mark Zuckerberg (the ultimate creeper) introduced the photos page, I could hardly breathe. I remember I was waiting in my girlfriend’s dorm before our ballet class but when she found out why I was gasping for air, missing ballet class was the least of our worries. Now, the people we never thought we’d actually see again after graduation were popping up left and right but even worse, they could see us. …A couple Facebook facelifts later, the “untag” button appeared.

The past 4 years, “untagging” myself in Facebook photos was merely a prevision I took to save face among my peers. Unfortunately untagging myself didn’t mean the photo was erased from the Facebook database. But hey, I try to look on the bright side…celebrities don’t even have the untag option; which is why I’m truly thankful I’m not famous. If I became famous tomorrow the paparazzi wouldn’t have jobs; instead my Facebook friends would be makin some serious cash sellin’ candids of me to the tabloids that drool over photos that make perfect cover stories with witty headlines.

Final Thoughts: If you intend on being famous, I recommend you start your career right out of the womb, don’t leave your house-always wear undergarments if you do, don’t smoke, don’t drink, and NEVER party with Paris Hilton. I’m going to permanently delete my Facebook photos now and hope for the best.

FOR FUN! … If I were famous and tabloids got a hold of my photos, what they may say…

BULLSHIT from BULLOG:



“High Maintenance Ho: She Makes friend Push Her in Wheelchair for Hours Waiting at Airport”

BULLOG: I made Cate go to the airport in Spain hours early because I insisted our flight left at 1pm. I was wrong, mortified, and hungover…I wrote her an IOU.



”New Late Night Taco Bell Diet?”

BULLOG: It was a Friday night at college. The line at Pancheros was practically out the door so I went to Taco Bell for a chicken quesadilla. Plus they don’t charge for extra sauce!



“She Wears Men’s Clothes to Hide Baby Bulge”

BULLOG: I played Vince Vaughn from Wedding Crashers in a skit. I had to work with the clothes we had from previous years.




“Bumpin’ and Grindin’ on the Dance Floor in a Super Tight Leotard”

BULLOG: It was 80’s Night at a bar. That outfit was 100% Goodwill and Good-feel. Check out the fanny pack. When are those going to make a real comeback?...It felt good having all my stuff attached to my hip, especially the next morning



"Velvet+Plaid=Velaid. FASHION NO NO!”

BULLOG: It was the annual ugly sweater Christmas Party! I found great stuff at Goodwill again. The dress was one of a kind; actually I think I wore one similar 15 years ago.